I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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