Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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