I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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