mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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