Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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