I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
