I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
