just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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