Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
