Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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