Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
