i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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