Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
