We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
