So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
