i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
