I can text with my tongue
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
