Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
