Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
