I cockslap morals
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize