You're completely useless in the revolution.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
