see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
