the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize