I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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