someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
