What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
