Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
