I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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