I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
