I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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