She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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