Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
