There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
