Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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