I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
