does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
