I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
