I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sober January is a disaster.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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