I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize