I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
