i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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