Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
