Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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