but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
