I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
