My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
