11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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