I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
