why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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