he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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