i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
