my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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