I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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