Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
