I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize