Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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