Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
