I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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