so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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