I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
