I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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