he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
