hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
