I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
