Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
