i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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