i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize