as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
