How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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